Hello Every Body,
I spent January either sick in bed gritting my teeth through the seasonal gloom, or having the time of my life, no in-between. I spent a week in Mexico with some dearest friends celebrating a 40th birthday by attending a Brandi Carlile music festival, dancing under the stars to my favorite music with a belly full of tacos surrounded by people I love who love me back. Then I came home and my body had to pay that bill. I spent the next two weeks dealing with a series of weird body symptoms that are frustrating, but not uncommon for my haunted body. I have learned to manage things. Every time I have fun there's some kind of repair my body will need, and this time was a larger repair than usual, but that's also true by the end of every dark and gloomy winter when I'm starved for sunlight.
If you have medical needs you have to live with the awareness that your body will humble you, but that is actually true for all of us, whether we're aware of it or not. No amount of willpower will overcome the reality of body needs. When an urgent bathroom trip calls, your intestines do not care about your status or power. No ambition, dedication, or social construct can undo the material reality of the body. So, like it or not, I have had to build my life around the times my body says STOP.
That is all the more reason that I have had to learn how to maximize my fun. I don't get out a lot, so when I do get out, I have to make it count. I stuff the day full of everything I know will bring me joy. I don't leave the house for tacos much, but when I do, I go to Mexico for tacos with my friends and Brandi Carlile.
Of course, to do this, I had to learn what feels like fun to me and, let me tell you, that was a journey. I wasn't raised with a lot of opportunities for fun, and anything I might have once considered fun had been drummed out of me by adulthood and people pleasing. I felt like I had to learn what it looked like to do more than survive, and I had no idea what that meant. So I used the skills I had been developing in my efforts toward Quiet and I listened to the feedback of my body.
I started with my senses, since that is how your body processes the world. What did I like to see, smell, taste, touch, or hear? Then I listed additional things I knew bodies need overall. Movement, nourishment, connection, nurturing, and creativity. And then I listed things that our brains crave. Learning, curiosity, pleasure, novelty, and mastery. It took me a while, but eventually I found very specific answers to what I preferred about each of those categories. I like to dance, eat sour candy, engage in deep discussion. I like to learn about art, I'm curious about science, sitting in nature brings me pleasure. It was like a huge personality test I was giving myself, just to figure out how to have fun.
And then, once I had my answers, I could stack them together to create exponentially more fun. Attending a lecture at an art museum and then talking about it over a great lunch. A trip to a bookstore and then reading in the park. Writing in a journal with fresh pencils and soft music playing.
There is so much in this world that takes from us, and if we want to do better than survive, we need to find a way to replenish. Mindfully choosing joy and creating opportunities for my own pleasure has been an important part of my wellness journey, and definitely the part that has been the most fun. | 
